Public Service Announcement
by Lika Amanaka
Summary: “What we are about to tell you will change your lives forever!” Duo said dramatically. Quatre smiled, If you follow these parameters, you will definitely live a more peaceful life.” Heero smirked, “If you don’t, you will NOT live a peaceful life.


**Public Service Announcement**

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Gundam Wing or it's amazing characters. I also got the idea for this fic from a funny e-mail I received one day. Although I _didn't_ actually come up with the 12 points mentioned in this story, I _did _create the plot around it. Hope you enjoy it!

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"Is it on?"

"Yes." A gruff voice replied.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure, Duo." Another, softer voice replied this time.

"How can you be sure? I don't even see a blinking red light or anything. Are you positive it's on?"

"YES!" Four masculine voices shouted in unison.

"And you're on in 3, 2, 1…" Hilde, a dark haired, female Preventor officer counted down, giving the young men the cue to start.

"Good Morning!" The five voices rang out. "We're the Preventor Officers."

"And we're here this morning to make an important public service announcement about issues that no doubt have already affected each and every one of your lives. But before we begin, let us introduce ourselves. My name is Quatre Raberba Winner." A blond haired, blue eyed young man smiled at the video camera.

"Heero Yuy" Nodded a serious Prussian eyed young man with unruly chocolate hair.

"Hiya! I'm Duo Maxwell" Another auburn haired youth spoke up, his deep violet blue eyes sparkling mischievously.

"Good morning. My name is Trowa Barton" This young man also had brown hair and his emerald green eyes looked directly at the camera as he spoke.

"Wufei Chang." The last officer to introduce himself had dark hair and even darker, but not unpleasant, eyes.

"As you may have guessed, we are currently broadcasting from inside the Preventor's Headquarters and we are feeding live via satellite to every station around the world and colonies" Heero said.

"What we are about to tell you will change your lives forever!" Duo cried out dramatically, standing up and leaning over the oak paneled table they were all sitting around.

"We are about to tell you the 12 things we hate about everyone. And I do mean _everyone!_" Wufei growled.

"We have complied this information ourselves, talking note of the everyday annoyances we encounter. If you follow these parameters, you will definitely live a more peaceful life." Quatre smiled.

"And if you don't you will _not _live a peaceful life" Heero smirked, fingering his gun.

"Heero! No! Put that away!" Hilde whispered from beside the cameraman, flapping her arms around and trying to get said officer to do as he was requested.

Chuckling, Trowa leaned over and snatched the gun out of Heero's hands. "What he means is, these little things have an annoying affect on people. And when people get annoyed, they get angry. And when they get angry they fight. This then affects us because we are supposed to _prevent_ violence. Hence, we are the _Preventor _Officers."

"And without further ado, here are the 12 things we hate about everyone!" Duo exclaimed. "Better stop what you're doing and go grab some paper and a pen!"

"Number one." Trowa began. "We hate people who point at their wrist when asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?"

"Good one Tro!" Duo shouted, while there were other murmurings and mutterings heard from others in the room.

"Number two." Heero spoke up. "We hate the people who are willing to search the _entire _room for the remote control because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually."

"Number three." Duo grinned, winking as the camera turned to him. "I personally _dislike _the people who say 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too'. Damn right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?"

"Hear! Hear!...Yay!...Nice One!"…were the various comments this time. It seems that a lot of people in that room like cake.

"Number four." Wufei started. "We also hate those of you who say 'It's always the last place you look'. Well of course it is! Why the hell would you keep looking after you found it?" Wufei snarled, glaring into the camera. The poor cameraman could've sworn the temperature in the room dropped a little at this point. "I mean, do people everywhere actually do this? Who and where are they? I am going to kick their ass!"

Inwardly groaning, Hilde waved her hands to get Wufei's attention. When he looked over at her she held up a cue card, "Rated PG". When she took this job, it was to make sure the guys limited their use of _creativity _as it were. However, there was a slim chance there could be children watching this programming too, but she rather liked her job and was planning on keeping it.

Clearing his throat to get everyone's attention, Trowa took his turn again. "Number five. I also hate the people who ask while they're watching a movie, 'Did you see that?' No loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor."

Hilde gasped. She was definitely going to hear about this at tomorrow's meeting.

"Oh! My turn again!" Duo burst out. Smiling he said, "Number six. I think it's stupid when people ask 'Can I ask you a question?' Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?"

Nodding his head in agreement, Quatre turned to face the camera. "Number seven. I hate when someone says 'new and improved'. Which is it? If it's new then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there _must _have been something before it!"

"Oh yeah...I agree…..Too true!" People commented.

"Number eight." Heero smirked at the camera. "I _hate _people who say life is short. What the fuck? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does. What the hell can you do that's longer?"

"Hmmm, in some cases this number nine can be eliminated but I'll tell you anyway." Wufei said. "When you're waiting for the bus and someone asks 'Did the bus come yet?'. If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?"

"Alright, all the officers of the law listen up! Number ten is especially dedicated to you." Duo tried to look serious but still he couldn't help but grin. "Don't you hate it when a cop pulls you over and asks you 'Do you know how fast you were going?' You should know asshole, you pulled me over!" Looking around him, Duo saw Hilde grinning and shaking her head and the other various occupants in the room smiling or giving him thumbs up. "So try and be more creative because I know a lot of people would like to use this line now!"

Chuckling, Quatre took a sip of water, and then began. "Number eleven. Don't you hate it when people ask you if they can _borrow _a piece of paper? Sure but please, don't return the favor. It's only one piece of paper!"

"This one particularly bothers me." Trowa spoke up. "This is the final one, number twelve. I hate it when people say rules are like bones, they're meant to be broken. But why the _hell _would you _want_ to break a bone?"

"They would if they were psychotic." Duo replied, shrugging.

"Anyway, those are the twelve things we hate about everyone. We hope this public service announcement will prove to be useful in your everyday life. Thanks for watching!" Quatre said as he waved at the camera.

"And that's a wrap! Good job guys." Hilde commented, signaling that they were no longer live and on the air. "However, I'd have toned down some of the swearing."

"Relax Hilde. You only live once." Duo replied with yet another grin, as everyone started filing out of the studio.

"Anyway, I wonder if this plan will really work. Does anyone think people watched that, or did they switch through the channels?"

"There's one way to tell." Trowa replied.

"And how is that?" Hilde asked, turning around to face him.

"Let a cop catch you speeding."

"….."

"Or hide the remote and see how many people search the whole living room for it." Quatre said, jumping into the conversation.

"Don't worry, they watched it." Heero spoke up.

"How do you know for sure?" Hilde asked, surprised that Heero seemed so confident.

"I put a channel locker virus through the air along with the transmission. They couldn't even turn the TV off."

True to his word, people all over the world and colonies stood still staring at their television or computer screens in shock or wonder. Some were still struggling to turn their TVs off or to change the channel. But one thing was for sure, after hearing all that, they would never again take future conversations for granted!


End file.
